Bill of Suggestions?

Even I was shocked at the garbage that came out of the mouth of Assistant Defense Secretary Charles “Cully” Stimson recently.

Upon learning that many of the biggest and most respected law firms in the nation were representing detainees at Guantanimo, he made a not so subtle call for Fortune 500 boycott of such firms.

Even Mr. Stimson, who is in charge of the detainees for the Defense Department must concede that at least one of the prisoners there must be innocent. Even the staunchest supporter of the policy must concede that some mistakes are inevitable.

If Mr. Stimson can’t see that, then he is either a loon or fundamentally incompetent.

The issue of impeachment often comes back to finding a particular offense to charge an official with. Clinton was charged with lying under oath. While I respectfully disagree about the seriousness of that charge given the context, I wish that the precedent could be applied to Bush and company for breaking their oaths to uphold and defend the Constitution.

Mr. Stimson made his subtle attack at one of our basic American rights, namely the right to be represented by council. Though I don’t think he said it on orders, I doubt the sentiment isn’t shared by his superiors. And, of course, this assault came after Bush and the Congress agreed to put limits on another vital right: the right to challenge your detention.

When combined with the unwarranted NSA spying, secret CIA prisons, and the use of torture you get a picture of an Administration that treats the Constitution with contempt when it is inconvenient.

The test of a society of laws is not how well those laws are followed when they are easy, but how the powerful react to limits when they are impediments.

Even if you forgive or overlook the incompetence, mismanagement and wrong decisions, it is hard to overlook this abuse of our nation’s highest law.

Monster House!

Loyal readers: I apologize that I have not been more active in my posting lately. As you may know, I am in the process of buying my first home, and I am terrified.

The other night I was watching a terrible foreign horror movie about a family that carves a statue of a child out of a tree stump, only to have it come to life and start eating people. That night, I had another dream of epic import.

So, without further ado: Dream #2

I was in the house, half moved-in, when through the heating ducts came the tentacles of a monster. I knew it was a monster, similar to the one from the evening’s film, there to destroy me and devour my family.

I fought back against this creature, as it wormed its way through the grates. I used knives to cut off the tentacles before they could take hold of me and drag me down. But in doing so, I learned the true identity of the menace.

Broccoli!

The creature that threatened me, my family and my home was my arch-enemy. Though I was tireless in my efforts to thwart my old foe, there was just too much monster for me to prevail. That’s when I got re-enforcements.

Tom Freidman of the New York Times arrived with ice-cube trays filled with the herbicide “round-up”, which we dropped down the grates. This killed the monster, reducing it to a rotten, half-gelatinous goop similar to what you might find in your refrigerator if you miss your annual clean-out a few times in a row.

Mr. Freidman’s assistant, Eric Idle, arrived and climbed down one of the vents to investigate what had become of the vegetable menace. According to him, the monster was not man-sized. It filled half the basement, and was melting.

I woke up in a cold-sweat wondering how I was going to get that much rotten broccoli mess out of my basement.

See? I dream of things more terrifying than bimbos.

Kang/Kodos '08

John McCain is not who they say he is. My theory is that he had a stroke a few years ago and it damaged the portion of his brain that I liked.

There is a beautiful myth about the Senator from Arizona, that he is the last honest man in Washington. He had incomparable courage when he was in the Hanoi Hilton. His “straight talk express” was a stroke of genius. He assailed the likes of Jerry Falwell as dangerous lunatics. He stood up to Bush.

However, there seems to be a screw loose these days.

It started with him embracing W in the ’04 campaign, even after Bush and company smeared him in the previous election. He towed the line with the president on all the ridiculous policies he had. He backed down on habeus corpus and torture, and has begun cozying up to the religious right.

Most recently, he has called for a sustained increase in the number of troops in Iraq.

Where are we supposed to get this sustained new number of troops?

It should not come as any surprise to him that our Armed Forces are stretched rather thin these days. Soldiers are being sent on multiple tours of duty in Iraq. The Pentagon is missing recruiting targets and “stop lossing” many soldiers whose time is up. Every military expert quoted in the press has mentioned that we are depleted.

It all feels like a very calculated presidential gambit. First you cozy up to the religious right base that you used to demonize, because you need them. Then you come out with a position on the war that can not possibly be followed, but sounds tougher than anybody else’s plan so you can say “I told you so.”

If this is not calculated, then it sounds just plain crazy. I am not sure which is worse.